One Year, One Month, Two Days..

And after one year, one month and two days, I'm writing something exactly at 05.33 AM.

How does it feel? N.O.S.T.A.L.G.I.C. Yes, Nostalgia, that ugly and unwelcome feeling that you should love but still hate to feel. Funny how things change within a year. Funny how life goes upside down within a year. Funny how you seem to be understanding yourself and then suddenly realize that as a matter of fact you haven't ever understood anything, anybody, not the world, not the people, not yourself, nobody. Funny how one year has passed by and gone by without your notice. Funny how one year, one month and two days make such huge difference to you.

The more you change your public profile pictures, the deeper you bury your inner self, and make it the inner most part of you. The deepest part that nobody can reach, no matter how hard they try. They'll all keep looking for you and the irony is that even you will be looking for YOU and will never really find it. Cuz you've made yourself shallow and thrown your real self somewhere deep into it. Somewhere so deep that you will find it only the day when you and YOU are one thing.

Completing your daily stuff, running to work, eating, coming back, eating again and finally sleeping is the life we have made for us. In between we get all kind of rubbish coming our way, rubbish that will make our inner self sink deeper and deeper, into one big black whole. This time also, the birds are chirping, but I have suppressed that sound by the music in my ears. Cuz I don't want to listen to what they are saying. I want to delink myself from whatever the outer world wants to say anymore. I have had enough of what they have to say. And I have not liked most of it. Funny how music sounds better than what alive people have to say. Funny how we want to hide from whatever we thought was good.

No more getting scared of dark, or of the curtain shadows, no more missing college, no more getting nervous in situations that genuinely deserve one's nervousness. No more crying at small things, no more crying at things that genuinely deserve one's tears. Funny how the lies that the outer world has told you turn into the lies you tell YOU, every darn day. Funny how you keep running away from others and one fine day manage to runaway from yourself. Funny how the world outside changes the world inside you. Funny how you understand everything and still manage to find an excuse to convince your inner "poor" self, dissapointed with self and still smiling bright as ever..