Want to value something? Try losing it!

Yes it’s true. We don’t realize the importance of something until we are on the verge of losing it. This is one of the most easily observable and widely established human tendencies and no one can challenge it, no matter how good a person they are. Just like being inclined to do or have something forbidden. If not all of us, most of us are always tempted to do things that aren't meant to do, or have things that we’re told to stay away from. Or just like our tendency to hate people who hate the ones we love and get along good with people who are enemies with our enemies. We are humans and have many tendencies. But a true human ‘being’ is someone who can come out of difficult situations without being paralyzed by these tendencies. Everyone has a heart, but a true heart is one that is strong enough to not fall into the traps of things that normally anyone would fall into.

It starts with very small things that can’t attract our attention. Like throwing our mobile cell phone here and there and then getting all haywire when finally one day we forget it in some mall and lose all hopes of getting it back. Or like getting upset with our siblings or family members on little things and telling them to go away, realizing their value only when they have finally gone away never to come back. These small things become a habit, a tendency that we tend to show later in our life irrespective of what or who we are dealing with.

But why should we not handle it sooner? Why should we always give so much pain to our heart just in order to realize the value of something? If you have the chance and can give someone the right treatment in time so as to not make them feel unimportant, why let time teach you a lesson by losing that chance and the person? If you can study now and make your life a success, why wait for the result to come with a red mark and then learn the importance of studying after losing a year? If a relationship can be saved be telling a truth, and if telling the truth makes your heart skip a beat, let it be. Why wait for the time till the truth comes out by itself and your poor heart keeps skipping beats for a lifetime with the fear of losing the relationship? Why don’t we start valuing things already, rather than waiting for time to teach us their value? Why do we wait for our most beloved people to go away and then run after them to stop them from going, rather than giving them their part of love in time and having them for keeps all our lives? Keep your loved ones close, keep things clear, and love unconditionally. Love. Value. Trust. Faith. Value these words and be happy.

Be Judgmental, Judge Yourself!

Being judgmental and being judged, two situations that are completely opposite to each other and that involve very different feelings. Have you ever seen someone judging someone else? You must have. The one who judges will always be hard nosed and extreme. Look at yourself when you judge someone the next time. How unsympathetic and callous we become when the mistake is someone else’s and how kind and forgiving we become when the mistake is ours!

We all are guilty of judging others and at the same time forgetting to be empathetic, while being forgiving when we are being judged. This is human tendency and I don’t think you will be able to say no when I ask if you have ever done this.  And whenever it comes to someone who is our own, we tend to become protective about them and limit our vision to whatever looks positive about them and never want to see the negatives in them. And that’s what our sub conscious does for us. It helps us ignore the bad points of those we like and embosses the bad points of those we do not like.

For instance, a close one of yours is very particular with everything and wants everything specifically according to her taste in her food and doesn’t tolerate any deviation in it. You proudly tell this to others as a quality. To you, it is just another ‘good quality’ they have. But if you find the same ‘quality’ in someone else, you find it ‘attitude’ or ‘just another tantrum’. You won’t understand this example until you think about someone other than you who does this. Because this is probably one of those things that everybody is guilty of but doesn’t actually believe they do. Just like telling lies. Most people would do that without realizing, some would say “Oh that! That wasn’t a lie! That was just hiding the truth!” Yeah! Just hiding the truth! As if hiding the truth is as beneficial as telling it! This is an amazingly awesome phrase that I’ve found many people saying and not realizing that hiding the truth is even more harmful and hurtful than telling a lie.

Ultimately what I mean is simply this one line: whenever we’re judged, ‘they’re being unkind and judgmental’, and whenever we are being judgmental, ‘right is right and wrong is wrong’. The only thing that comes out of this blabber is that we must realize when we judge someone that we might as well be in their place some day and that day, others will be the judges. So be compassionate. Be empathetic. Be judgmental but only when judging yourself. Because there is no one other than ourselves on this earth who we can or should change, and no one on this earth other than ourselves who can or should change us. So be happy. Be wise. Be empathetic. Be judgmental, but judge none other than yourself.

Live life bit by bit, sip by sip

Being the same you when everything else is changing is one of the most difficult tasks and one of the greatest qualities a human can possess, considering that the most vulnerable thing to changes is human. Keeping yourself active all the time, catching all the buses on time and reaching every place in time aren’t the only things that makes you a good person. The biggest challenge is to be who you are till the end, no matter what happens and no matter what changes come. And this is the thing most people think they’re doing while the actually fail to do, and others knowingly ignore. The remaining very few are the ones who effortlessly continue to be the one they were born as, the same innocent, naïve, new, fresh, simple and untouched person that their parents raised, the one who knew it was more important to be oneself that being famous and important. Being this one person is my dream since so many years because even I know I have changes, I know I am not the one that my parent raised. I am not the same and I know I need to go back to who I was a while ago. The only problem is that this while was too long ago.

Some think that the solution to this is keeping distance from the changes, while the actual solution is to adapt changes the way they are. The day you start trying to change others everything gets ruined. The only way to keep things in place is to mould yourself according to the change, and at the same time to keep in mind that you must not change the person you are in the process. Have you ever seen a chameleon change its colour according to the place it is in? That camouflage keeps the chameleon safe from the changes in the surrounding. The biggest thing that we get to learn from the chameleon is to adapt changes as and when required and come back to our original self.  Alas! Some of us learn to change the colour too frequently and forget learning to come back to our original colour. And alas! This number is way larger than those who know when and how to remain original. And alas once again! There is also a good number of people who change their colours when original is best suited to the situation. Alas! The chameleon told us good and bad things, but we chose to learn only the bad ones.

But this is not the first instance where we have chosen to learn half the part of what is told to us. It is human tendency to see negative first and sometimes only the negative part of something that was originally meant to be taken positively and bit by bit. Bit by bit! Ahh... That is what we humans can’t do. We are inclined to doing everything before time and thus forget how important the ‘bit by bit’ thing is. The day we understand the importance of eating that delicious cheese sandwich bit by bit and drinking that old wine sip by sip and how it doubles the taste, we will also understand how delicious life becomes when lived bit by bit. Live life, understand its teeny weeny bits, learn to change when needed and to change back to your original when needed. Love. Smile. Live life bit by bit.

Befriending yourself is the first step to befriending the world!

Have you ever woken up in the middle of the night and become tensed about the long pending things that you have to do, gotten sweaty and unable to go back to sleep? That is what over-thinking does to human brain! You know, it's a vicious circle, if you go on thinking, you can't sleep and if you can't sleep, you can't stop thinking. And this circle will go on and on until you learn to control your flow of thoughts. And that can happen only when you learn how to stop the mind from wandering here and there.

The biggest achievement in human life is to be able to make the mind free of thoughts. And those of you who think it is easy to do, try concentrating on a blank white page for 2 minutes right now and you will get to know how complicated it is to look at a plain page, more complicated than tallying accounts and developing softwares. Try getting one person to do it properly and if you find one, ask them the secret of doing it. For it is not an easy task to not do anything and stay calm. It needs you to love the company of self and to not need anyone else at some times. And loving the company of one's self is the biggest gift one can give to themselves, other than finding their soul mate in this life. The reason I'm saying all this is because when you love the company of yourself you do not need the company of anyone else, not even of those thoughts that keep bothering you in the night not letting you sleep. There lie the answers to all your questions, why doesn't some person like you, why you cannot make friends at college/work, when and how you will be able to complete all work in time, etcetera.

The one person who can understand you is YOU and the one person who can solve all your problems is YOU. And once you stop looking for your answers in others, you will get the answer to all your questions. Just try once to not look for a friend in other people and make yourself your friend, and see how you forget you were alone. This doesn't at all mean that i am asking you to stay aloof from the outside world and concentrate just on yourself. The only reason I am saying this is that even though making friends and being in relationships is a very good and essential thing, one more important thing that we miss out on is to befriend ourselves. And until we understand ourselves, we can understand no one else, and no one else can understand us. So what I'm saying is, 'Befriending yourself is the first step to befriending the world'. And what can be better than starting good things with yourself? Just try it once and you will yourself know how wonderful it feels to have yourself as your most favourite person. Plus you will get to know how it feels to have a friend like you, how lucky your friends must be! 

Get along with the person in the mirror!

"Getting along" with people, it's not as easy as it seems. Those who say this too frequently to other people have probably not come across the type of people that those they advise have come across. This is probably what they call empathy, the ability to put oneself in the situation of others and try to see things from their point of view. This is a quality that has become a peril to those who have it because of its lack in too many people. Another such quality is Workoholism. But it's better that we talk about that some other time.

The best thing would be to jump back to getting along with people, which is almost as hard as achieving the sense of empathy. Have you ever thought how easy are YOU for others to get along with? Probably not. But c'mon isn't it a thing you must give a thought at? I think it is, because when we tell others how hard they are to get along with, it's so much easier than introspecting and getting to know ourselves. And easy things, they can be done by anyone. The bigger person is the one who takes the harder task and does it for good. The beauty of picking the harder tasks is that you can dive into the intensity of what you do and get what you never expected.

As far as getting along is concerned, you can only know how it is for others to get along with you when you try getting along with yourself. In fact, this is the best way to do anything. If you want someone to do something, try to do it yourself first. If you want to know someone, know yourself first. If you want someone to understand you, try to understand themselves first. And thus, if you want people to get along with you, get along with yourself, get along with other people, and then ask others to get along with someone else. Before you do this, how can you ask others to do it? For you can't expect others to do something you don't know whether you can do or not.

Since I was a kid, I have heard my elders saying, "Treat others as you want them to treat you." This has engraved on my thinking so deep that I can relate everything to it in my life. Whenever I am confused as to how my behaviour should be with someone, I just think how I would like them to behave with me. Whenever I give a task to a little cousin or an office subordinate, I first think if I can do the same. I retrospect in the night whatever I've said to people and if I would like being told those things by someone else. This makes me realize my mistakes sooner than I would otherwise and much before it’s too late to correct them. This makes me safe from expecting things that I cannot get, makes me more empathetic and more compassionate. Sure it doesn't stop me from making mistakes, but then who doesn't make mistakes? We're all humans and making mistakes is our birth right. But correcting them well within time is what we can do the best. And doing that as soon as possible is the most wonderful thing we can do. So next time you ask something out of someone, just think for a while, can you do it too? Think. Realize. Correct your mistakes. Smile. Cheers. Love.

Think different, be different. Love yourself

The accusation of being different is the one of the biggest things that bring out the real person in you. The problem with people is that they start making fun of whatever new they see, and the problem with those who do the new is that they fail to ignore the negativity people have show. The loss that both incur because of what they do is that the people laughing at the new miss out on the real special thing that is being created, and the one who's being laughed up on misses out on the fun they can have being different by listening to the stupid comments. But what fun would there be in the world if nobody created something new and bobody laughed on others.

Why do you think despite of all the negativity and differences the world always seems just right? Why do you think everything that is imperfect is still perfect the way it is? It's because everything is meant to have both good and bad sides, every coin is meant to have two sides, every person needs to have both black and white colours. The problem arises when leaving aside black and white, a third colour appears, the grey colour, the mixture of black and white, something that is neither good nor bad, something to which one can neither say yes nor say no. What if everything loses its basic two colours and becomes a mix of both, a colour from which it's impossible to take out one specific answer to your question, and you finally sit down with just a question and a confusion.

Even the world around us has two colours of everything, there are people close to us and far from us, there are seas, there are shores, there are days, there are nights, there are good people, there are bad people, there is sweet and there is sour, there is earth and there is sky, there is water and there is fire, there is god and there is evil, there is right and there is wrong, whatever you think has an opposite side. And as much as i've seen and heard, a mixture of two opposites is always disasterous. And the absence of any one of them is even more disasterous. If there is creation, there is going to be destruction. If things only get created and not destroyed, they will take the form of never ending creations and begin to destry other things, things that are meant to stay longer, things that are not meant to be destroyed.

Whenever someone tells you you're different and asks you why, tell them you're different because they're all the same, and you don't prefer to be something that is common. I mean c'mon, why would I want to look like all the others on my wedding day? the flower girls look the same, the bridesmaids dress all the same, the bride looks different! Why be the bridesmaid? Be the bride. Why be the sheeps and not the shephard?

Why be the same when we can be different and stand out and make an identity of our own? Why listen to those about being odd or wierd from those who do not have the courage to do anything out of the line for good? Why not do what needs to be done, why not do it ourselves than waiting for someone else to do it. Be different and love yourself. For being different and getting afraid of looking different and odd is something anyone can do. The real thing is to be different and show it proudly! Have a happy monday. Ciao!

Whatever you do, Whoever you are, be proud to be YOU!

Whenever someone tells me that they've never done anything wrong the first thing that comes to my mind is whether they ever got a chance to do something wrong? Because what I believe is that no one ever goes out and searches for something wrong to do. We never think of doing something wrong or bad until it comes right in front of us, knocking our door asking if we're ready to face it. We are humans and you have to accept that we all have the tendency of doing wrong depending on the situation. Those who say no to this will stop arguing when I ask them, "have you ever had to choose between two people, one of whom was your close one and other one a not so close person?" They might tell a straight "No" or "Yes, and I chose the one who was right, forgetting who was mine" while still knowing deep inside what they're hiding and chances are they're now quiet because most probably they remember at least one such instance from their life and they clearly remember that they had chosen the one they loved knowing that they were wrong.

Not just this, even when you are unhappy when someone else is happy and happy when someone else is sad, you've done wrong. It's all wrong that you've done and you do not know because you haven't ever thought about it this deeply. And it's not just one person. I believe almost everyone who says they've never done anything wrong in their lives are failing to look beyond what they've seen only with the eye, failing to look into their hearts and failing to accept what they've probably already realized deep down in their hearts. When we do not introspect and just keep arguing, the end is never a win. It's just like walking directionless in a deep, dark forest without knowing where we're heading. It's just like "Go I know not wither, fetch I know not what."

The kind of life, where you’re just continuously walking, not knowing whether you’re walking forward or backward, not knowing where you’re headed, not knowing what’s ahead of you. The kind of life where you know nothing about yourself. The kind of life which is not yours, that’s not the kind of life real people live. Doesn’t matter if you’ve been wrong, doesn’t matter if you’ve had failures, doesn’t matter if you’re not too good a person, whatever, it’s still better to know yourself than living under the rock, with a shadow over your head and not knowing whose body you’re living in. This reminds me of a very popular saying and a wonderful thing one of my friends once said to me – “Just because you close your eyes doesn’t mean the world disappears.” The same way if you refuse to accept who you are and realize what you’ve done, it doesn’t make you some other person. No matter how much you tell others the legendry tales of your righteousness, the fact that you know it inside how much righteous you are makes it all worth to know yourself more than you think you should. We all know it, but we rarely show the courage to accept it. Have the courage, be the stronger one, realize who you are. Being wrong is not that bad. We’re all humans, and if we say we don’t err, it would be a lie. So stop lying to yourself. Wake up, wash your face and look into the mirror. Tell yourself proudly, “I am What I am & What I am needs no Excuses” J Have a Happy Monday and happy week ahead.

Lose Your Cool, Be Loud, Live Life, Love Life!

Keeping your cool at all times, good and bad, is something many people think a matter of maturity, but what I feel is sometimes losing your cool is also essential. If someone always remains calm and cool, there can be something wrong with them. In that a necessity to know what is the reason behind such coolness and innate maturity. It might be the result of loss of coolness, ironically. It might be a sign of overt maturity and the process of disappearing of that child in you.  A person who says he never gets angry, never overreacts, never speaks loudly and never laughs insanely is a wonder, at least in my eyes.

How can it be true that someone is living but not alive, eating but not feeling? How can it be true that someone loves one person so much and at the same time hates someone as much? It has always bothered me that love and hate live together in the same person's heart and mind. It hurts to hate too! It's not easy to hate someone, it even takes courage to not dislike people, more courage than it takes to love. To hate someone and still be cool about it is not possible, in the same way as it is not possible to remain cool when you fall in love. Love and hate. I’m talking about these two as the two feelings are exceedingly intense and extreme. And how can extreme things in life be felt any lesser than they mean to us? The thing is that one cannot possibly be feeling lesser than what they have in their heart. And if they do, they are missing out on something. Missing out on things is okay, missing out on people is okay, missing out on anything is okay, but missing out on feelings, that’s not okay. Feelings are what we’re all made of! We cannot compromise on something that is as important as our existence.

The reality is, anything can be forgotten, feelings can’t. Even forgetfulness is a feeling, and for that matter, even “numbness” is a feeling! Whatever you do, wherever you go, you feel something. Good, bad, pretty, ugly, happy, sad and not. So if we know we’re going to feel something or the other, why always control the feelings? Why try to be subtle? Why not let the feelings burst out of our hearts? Let it shine out bright in the sunlight. If you’re happy, smile as if you’re a child, party all night, laugh, play, shout and jump, sing, dance. If you’re sad, cry it out, be sad. Keep nothing inside you. For you’re not a storage tank, and if your argument is “yes may be I am”, what about a storage tank bursting of overflow? Even that storage tank is made to be filled and emptied for usage, then why keep your feelings inside you? Whatever it is, speak up, scream and shout, empty it all out. For there must be space for new feelings to go inside, and if you’ll hold on to the old ones, how will you ever experience the new ones? Do whatever is needed to take your feelings out, live it out large, loud and screamingly obvious. Why be subtle? Be loud, for loud is what is heard, and low voices are never heard, if you know what I mean. Shout, laugh, sing, lose your mind, be mad, say what you want, be who you are, scream, dance, jump, love, smile, be loud (just not on that office desk) :wink: Happy Monday!

Allow Life some Delays, Wait for your Bigger Picture, but don’t make Life Wait!

All things perfect need to be done at the perfect time. Timing is the essence of it all. Sure, you’ve done everything it takes for it to be perfect, sure there’s nothing you think that’s left in making it what it had to be, but everything gets crappy when things get delayed. You’ve made a perfect office project and you should be proud of having done such a wonderful work at it, but you’re not, nobody is, not even your boss. Why?? Because you made it so perfect that the time when it was needed you didn’t even have it! At a family dinner you asked your mom to skip the dessert, “I’ll make the best dessert ever!!” You made the best dessert ever! You made it perfectly! You put the best taste into it and decorated it with cherries and chocolate. Alas! You decorated it so much that the guests went home with just the hope of you completing your dessert till breakfast.

It’s good to do things perfectly, but sometimes there’s just a thin line between doing things perfectly and over-doing them. You just need to identify that line, even if you do it just with your right foot standing well before the line and left foot in the air almost about to fall out of the line. It’s good enough if you just hold the left foot back and remain inside the line. I’ve seen other people (and myself) sometimes crossing the line, even going so far beyond the line that I can’t see the line anymore! And believe me, it’s completely okay to cross the line, but then that is only okay when it’s in the beginning, once, twice, thrice... You must get back into the line once it starts becoming a habit. Trust me it works professionally, personally and emotionally! It’s normal to sometimes not realize the value of time when we are lost in doing something we like, or something for someone we love. But the damage happens when we stop realizing that it’s not okay to always do the same thing knowing what harm it can do. And this last line goes for everything in life.

Agreed, we being humans can for once control the urge to make things perfect all the time and forgetting the time limit. But what are we to do when not a human but life does the same mistake, plans something, puts us into the scene, starts doing it and in the process, starts overdoing it, and overdoes it so much that we get tired of wanting the thing to happen! What if we do everything in time but life doesn’t? What if we plan something and life has different plans? The only thing we can do is wait until the plans match, until we want the same thing from life as life does from us, until life completes what we've been waiting for.

If we look at it the other way round, it’s a good thing. As I said we take time when we try to make something perfect, may be life’s trying to make something perfect for us! What if while we’re thinking nothing is in our favour and while we’re crying over little delays, life is secretly painting a bigger picture for us! What if it’s magic, something that we can’t see until complete, something that doesn’t show on the canvas until fully painted? Isn’t it something you haven’t thought until now? If it is, think about it now! Give life a chance, some time. Allow life some delays. Wait for your bigger picture, your perfectly baked cake with cherries on the top! But that’s what life does, not you. Until life does it work in its own time, you keep trying to reduce delays and wear your running shoes, for it’s a race and it’s the one who runs faster who wins, not the one who runs “beautifully in style”(Smirk). Ciao. Have a lovely Monday. Keep working, keep achieving, keep smiling, until life brings you new joy. J